These lonely
hearts… one way or another, will come face to face with a picture of
Love: soft kisses, whispers of sweet nothings, and the little gestures…
and they will look at envy, and wish for the same. But are they really
looking for someone to love, or the feeling of love?
“Cheers! Here’s to Love”
- From the movie, Down With Love
- From the movie, Down With Love
On the eve of
Valentine’s Day, the plight of solitary souls is magnified. These souls,
whether those who have never had romantic experience, or the victim of a
broken relationship, watch with envy—and at times, resentment—couples
who are happy in each other’s company. To them, it seemed that the air
is sweeter and the world more colorful around these couples. The sight
of them seems to add to the misery of the solitary soul, as they feel
seemingly aware, that they are the only ones left without company
(though hundreds, maybe millions, might be sharing the same sentiment at
different parts of the world—or maybe even in the same area).
They react in
different ways, always discrediting Valentine’s. They ignore it, and
call it a “commercial holiday that is capitalized by the large
corporations”. Others despair that it is one more year alone—that
perhaps they weren’t meant to be with someone. And all of them, at one
point or another, one way or another, will come face to face with a
picture of Love: maybe soft kisses among young lovers, or one leaning
against the shoulder of another while watching the sunset, or maybe even
exchanging sweet nothings. It would seem that there is nothing more
that melts one’s heart than the sight of these.
But are we really looking for someone to love, or someone to feel love?
I won’t deny it. I’m a sucker for love stories. I watch classic romantic films with avid attention: When Harry Met Sally, Pride and Prejudice, Serendipity,
and others. I belong to the legion of the solitary souls who can only
sigh and listen with envy at the people who talk of (or with) their
significant others, and wonder if that could ever be me. And I get
miserable thinking that right now, I’m not. Yet how am I different,
from the character of Marisa Tomei, who, given a gentle nudge and a
name—Damon Bradley—races halfway through the world to find a
man who she never even met? She wasn’t looking for her “destined soul”,
but the “love” from that “destined soul”. Do you see the flaw in this
logic? You’re not after the person, but the feeling of “love” from that
person. For all intents and purposes, it could be any person!
There’s nothing wrong
with longing for butterflies in the stomach, or to fall head over heels
over someone, or to be inspired with the sight of a beautiful soul… but
if you long only to feel it, people get hurt. You insult their
self-worth: what are they, instruments for affection? You should seek
them, and profess love for them not because you need to feel completed,
but because you need to be completed by them. See the difference?
Love has deeper
elements in play. It is not merely a choice to love—as this would lead
to an empty relationship, and the coldness of a contract. It is not
merely the feeling, as that would make it superficial. Love is not
even just commitment… that would be love for the sake of love, which is the whole point of this article’s lesson. It is the summation of all these, and more.
The late Bishop Fulton
Sheen once remarked, “…you’re not looking for love, you’re looking for
healing…”. There is nothing wrong with feeling incomplete without
somebody. And there is nothing wrong with longing for this degree of
love: Eros. It shows that we are human, and we are imperfect.
But we must also understand that love is not sought for the sake of
love. Love is the search for a kindred soul, someone you can share
your thoughts and ideas with, to argue heatedly with, to be possibly
your worst enemy and at the same time your best friend. It is even
more than just this.
Love is a deep commitment that takes time. It is not only a commitment to feel, or to act, but to understand, and thus experience.
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